Tuesday, 14 February 2012

WWE Spreads the Love

Written by RY2J

Firstly may I just say Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! Seeing as how it is the day of love, I’ve decided to incorporate the occasion into our blog. So sit back, grab the heart shaped box of chocolates lying around and enjoy, as we delve deep into the realms of the WWE roster past and present to reminisce about the superstars whose biggest muscle was their heart (cue the groans).
Mr. McMahon
Some People Enjoy Valentines Day in Different Ways
As the owner of a multi-million pound business, one may be excused for thinking that Vincent Kennedy McMahon would take a back seat in the ‘lovey-dovey’ story-lines that go on within the WWE. However, if you did think this was the case, you obviously don’t know Vince all that well.
Portrayed as an evil, money hungry, egotistical corporate jackass throughout the attitude era (and for a short while beyond), Mr McMahon was often keen to include romance in his dirty work. A particular favourite example of mine (which was briefly mentioned in a previous blog entry by Headbanger Ash (“You Can’t Spell WWE without McMahon”)) is McMahons affair with the wonderfully tart-like figure of Trish Stratus. As Vince’s wife Linda sat paralysed in her wheelchair, it was up to Vince to take one for the WWE team which resulted in countless make out sessions with the busty blonde; poor Vince, it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it.
From disrespectfully gaping at every woman that has appeared on the show through to having an obsession with people putting their lips on his backside, McMahon has duly deserved his recognition as a man with a taste for love.
Great Khali/Viscera
Now before I start this part of the article, I must make it 1000% clear that by the sub-heading ‘Great Khali/Viscera’ I am in no way implying that these two horny love monsters were an item, but instead that the gimmick that the two superstars portrayed were very similar (so get all those freaky images out of your head now).
From World’s Largest Love Machine to the Punjabi Playboy, these two colossal figures couldn’t hide their feelings from the WWE Universe and were often caught up in (albeit ridiculously) romantic storylines. In fact, Viscera was even proposed to by the lovely Lillian Garcia at the Vengeance PPV in 2005 and turned her down!! I guess as the World’s Largest Love Machine no one woman can be enough. The same bigotry statement could be made for Khali too; whose weekly kiss-cam saw the Punjabi Playboy constantly meeting and greeting new woman all the time. I guess these two huge superstars had equally huge hearts.
The Godfather
All Aboard the Ho-Train!
As a man whose job it was to walk down to the ring with his “hoes” in his pimping gear, Godfather epitomised the “We want Puppies” attitude that the WWE had on their women throughout the 1990’s. Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler would go particularly flabbergasted every time the ho-train pulled into the arena, and even Good ol’ JR was often left speechless as the barrage of beauties followed The Godfather down to the ring.
Sadly for all of us (especially the men within the WWE audience), the gimmick was dropped in 2000 to make way for the Goodfather and his induction into Right to censor. However, don’t you worry, now the owner of his own gentlemen’s club ‘Cheetah’s’, it looks like Godfather will once again be boarding the Ho-Train. All aboard!
Val Venis
The man with the towel. The Big Valbowski. Val Venis was a real ladies man within the WWE, and not only with the divas. Every match that Val was in, one lucky lady in the crowd would get the souvenir white bath towel that he wore down to the ring oh so provocatively.
With one finisher adequately named ‘The Big Package’, and being put in storyline after storyline of sleeping with different women, Val Venis’ character should go down in history as a loved-up, unadulterated superstar whose search for love often got him in more trouble than it did good. Sadly, Venis also joined Right to Censor in 2000, but once again our perverse desires were satisfied as he The Big Valbowski, towel and all, re-emerged at the 2002 Royal Rumble. Hello Ladies.
Edge and Lita: The Rated-R Duo
No love guru list would be completed without the inclusion of the Rated-R Superstar. Edge was almost instantaneously accepted as a fan favourite, even when his character was occasionally dubbed a heel in his partnership with Christian. However, it was after Edge left the tag-team division and sought after the bigger prizes in the WWE that his true, rated R character shone through.

A live raunchy sex scene with Lita on Friday Night SmackDown encapsulated Edge’s new persona, and boy did he rise to the occasion (figuratively and literally in this case). His love affair with the red-headed diva was fantastic, and along with his great relationship with Mrs Vickie ‘The Cougar’ Guerrero, Edge was able to not only enhance his character, but also gain success as a wrestler. The master of the Spear propelled himself to greatness with a little help from Cupids magic arrow, and is a deserved entrant into this year’s WWE Hall of Fame.
There are many more wrestlers who have pulled on the heartstrings of the Superstars, the Divas and the WWE Universe in history. The likes of HBK Shawn Michaels, Billy ‘Mr Ass’ Gunn, Mark ‘Sexual Chocolate’ Henry, even Teddy Long isn’t afraid of getting down on Friday Night SmackDown!
However, all of these superstars had one thing in common; they all loved to be loved back, and the WWE Universe were more than happy to comply.

No comments:

Post a Comment